Sagara

Silence.

Sagara — Fri, 22 Apr 2011 03:13:10 +0000

Silence is beautiful. Unfortunately for me, I can’t really write without using first person, so I’ve scrapped that.

Anyway, I was led in my room today, on the carpet, of all places, and I had just finished tidying and hoovering my room. I’d hoovered with an attatchment to pull the pile up, and properly clean the dirt out as much as possible, and so i was quite comfy led there. My windows were both wide open, and I could hear nothing but the sound of birds and insects and such like outside. I loved it. It was one of those perfect serene moments where everything melts away and you can truly appreciate the purity of being totally at peace, and in the present. I was totally comfortable, the sun was shining on me through the window, there was a warm breeze circulating my room, and I was completely contented. I could have laid there listening to nothing for the rest of the day.

This doesn’t happen for me very often. Most of the time I’m aiming for the future, and constantly I’m criticizing my past, so I tend to sort of.. Drift through life never really admiring and embracing the present moment. I did however, for a split few minutes before my conscience told me to get up off my stomach and get on with my college coursework.

When You Just Don’t Know What To Write.

Sagara — Wed, 20 Apr 2011 23:25:10 +0000

I’m going to try and stop talking in first person. This blog sort of is turning back into a replica of the old one I have deleted. I want to reflect on life, but not my own life, as my own life is personal to me and as much as I have previously gone on and on about it, I’m not sure if I want it plastered across the web. I’m going to write about beautiful things, and beautiful moments that I experience. I suppose this is a way of evading writers block, by focusing on a subject. I may spin some of my reflections into poems, and I may upload a photograph or picture too, but for now I have my new focal point and I shall do my best to stick to it.

Proof That I am a Total Spanner.

Sagara — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 21:37:40 +0000

I love cycling. Love it with all my heart, and the day before yesterday I decided to hit the road for a couple of hours. I rather ambitiously tore up around 20-22 miles of tarmac in south gloucestershire in under 2 hours, and when I say tore up, I mean I most likely had an average pace of around 14-15 miles per hour. I got home feeling satisfied and light as I always do after a fantastic workout. I stuck my bike in the shed, and jumped in the bath to chill out. I then repeated yesterday, and took a little longer and went a little slower, flagging a bit towards the end of the ride. When i curled up in bed with my teddies, I realized how badly I shouldn’t have been quite so ambitious with my tarmac-tearing wind-burning speed ride. I ached all over all night and was either sleeping restlessly, or conscious and cursing myself for being such an idiot. My muscles and joints burnt all over and I resorted to downing pain killers. When I woke up and then got up today I took a while to get going, because I was sore all over. I took more pain killers, and decided it would be wise to take a rest day from the ground thrashing tyre chase, and instead chilled out with guitar, college work, my dog and a driving lesson. It went well, I feel. I was good with my maneuvres (at least, I wasnt as terrible as I usually think) and when I returned home and subsequently got picked up to help my friend out with her garden, I was feeling better and less achy.

Whilst at said friend’s house, I pruned a massive rose bush, gaining several scratches and a thorn embedded in my knuckle, and then battled my fear of spiders to move a pile of wood scraps onto the flower bed as bark. My friend and I eventually settled on her sofa chatting over tea and flapjack and the aching kicked in again. When I got home I ran a very hot bath (it exceeded my normal lobster-broiling hot bath, and left me decidedly pinker than I have ever been before) and I enjoyed whiskey with my cup of tea, and then hit on the paracetamol and sleeping tablets. I probably shouldnt combine the two but heck I need a good night’s sleep!!

Lesson of the day (or week): DON’T be too ambitious! Ambition is great, just not when it leaves you paraletically knackered! Anyway, I shall now retire to lie comatose on my bed listening to the soundtrack to Dear John which I am about to splash out on. Music really is my boyfriend. (At least, it is until I get a real boyfriend).

And The Plot Thickens…

Sagara — Fri, 04 Mar 2011 22:56:44 +0000

I’m really tired tonight. Really, really tired. This week I went for a run and ate healthily which is good news, but when I checked myself out on the scales today I really wish I hadn’t because I’ve never weighed so much before in my life! Not happy suffice to say but hopefully good weather will allow me to get out on my bike and exercise because I feel like an elephant. I will be getting places though, as my friend has helped me get some goals in place. For starters I will be losing 2lb a week by eating healthily and doing plenty of exercise. I aim to be size 14 by the 23rd of April. I will also be going to sleep at 10 on weeknights and 11 on weekends (excluding occasional nights out). I aim to have got my overdue assignments for college (Units 1, 2, and 22) finished and emailed to relevant tutors by Friday the 11th. I will cycle my route 3 times a week (Friday, Saturday and Sunday) and will run 3 times a week with a rest day between each run, aiming to complete the couch to 5 k plan. I aim to book and take my driving theory test by April the 11th.

On your marks…

Get set…

GO!

I Need More Time

Sagara — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 16:06:09 +0000

Revelations relating to the inner workings of my family have left me feeling somewhat drained and tired. This also comes from having such a damned good time in London with my cousin and partyin til 4 in the morning, but anyway, I’m thinking and thinking and thinking and for once I’m not taking other people’s problems in. No offence but your problems are your problems and regardless of how much I love you I have my own problems and frankly I’m trying to get places and so I won’t be hanging around.

I have no internet at home because my dad seems to like holding it over my head that i use his broadband to surf and do college work. That’s all well and good because I’m hitting the second stage of the interviewing process where I am hoping to work come the beginning of March. When I get a job sorted, be it at this place I am interviewing for or any other place, I fully intend to make as much money as possible, save some, pay my parents some, and use the rest to bring my clothes and belongings up to date as a lof of my clothes are very old and in dire need of replacement. I will be buying dresses though, which I haven’t ever done. Up until this weekend I wore 2 dresses. One was my end of GCSE prom dress, the other was my end of A level prom dress. I intend to begin wearing more casual dresses and such, as I was quite happy in the dress I borrowed from my cousin to go clubbing.

There really aren’t enough hours in the day for me and my goals and plans. But one thing’s for sure: I know where I want to go and I’m damn well going to get there!

OM

Sagara — Wed, 16 Feb 2011 11:45:59 +0000

I have 100% decided on my faith. I’m also surfing close to the rocks as I’m blogging via a college notebook because the lesson work just isn’t doing it for me.

Anyway, I have been fighting for a while with my faith and beliefs etc. call it what you want, but the bottom line is I have settled on Buddhism. I dislike organised “religion” like Christianity or Islam because I feel the what is referred to as “God” cannot be manifested as a single being. Its not quite in line with Buddhist believing and teaching, but I am using Buddhism as more of a springboard for my own beliefs, however, isn’t that sort of how Buddha wished his followers to interpret his teachings? I have some vague recollection of an audio file I listened to on Buddhism, describing the reasons for the variation in different denominations within the belief system. I think it may have been a teaching from the Dalai Lama, but anyway, the general gist of it was that what works for one man does not neccessarily work for the next.

For me, “God” is the life and spirit in all living beings. Yes that means grasses and insects are included and at the same time that does not mean that rocks and other inanimate manifestations are not included. I believe in many things, from angels to crystal and reiki healing, and I am exploring the basic teachings of Buddhism to detatch from material desire. Anybody who really knows me will understand that this is a huge undertaking for me, as I am a hoarder by nature and anything with sentimental attatchments goes into a box under my bed. Needless to say the box has changed size several times over my life, and now in fact is big enough for me to quite happily sit in, but the thing is, its not meant to be easy. I aspire to become as enlightened as possible, and i feel things clicking into place all the time. These snatches of serenity come and go like the sunny weather of my home country (England, and anybody should know how brief and flitting moments of sunshine are here!).

I have a quote written on my wrist. A couple of weeks ago it was “What am I learning from this?” Today it is “The origin of sorrow is desire”. This is because I desire lots, but I know in my heart that I do not need what I desire. So as a way of curbing my selfish thought patterns I have this gentle reminder that I can refer to.

Life isn’t an easy ride, and the challenges we face range from resisting a chocolate bar to deciding whether to live or die and I am beginning the road to a way of thinking which will allow me total freedom and comfort within myself. All I have to say on this revelation is the much clichéd phrase:

Bring it on.

Today’s musing: Who ever said college can’t be productive?

Zest

Sagara — Sun, 09 Jan 2011 12:39:36 +0000

I was in college on Thursday and my friends and I walked across college green to tesco express for lunch. I debated buying a magazine but there weren’t any that focused on cycling. However, a magazine called Zest caught my eye. its retail price is £3.40, which I thought was quite a lot, but in the end I bought it and I am very glad I did. It’s full of useful information and is totally the opposite of what you think of when you imagine “magazine”. It’s not full of pictures of beautiful thin women which have been airbrushed to within an inch of their lives. Its got lithe women in it, sure. But where other magazines give out negative attitudes towards anyone who isnt supermodel thin, this magazine is positive about them. It is absolutely bursting with helpful suggestions and ideas for healthy food, exercise plans, and its not one of those magazines thats full of diet fads- its not an advertisment for cons that dont work. Its food for thought and I like that.

I’ve been out on my bike this week. I am kicking myself a little for not venturing out on friday. My mother argued in my defence that it was bucketing with rain, and yes, it was. But my argument against her was “If I were in the armed forces and it was raining I’d still have to go out in it!”. It didn’t quite make the point I wanted it to, but it did cause her to shrug her shoulders and walk off. I love my mum and my dad, but I don’t see why bad weather should be an excuse not to get out there. Besides, with the right equipment – i.e. waterproofs, it can be just as good as cycling in shorts and a vest top with sunglasses. I resolve not to use the weather as an excuse for being a delinquent cyclist. Speaking of which, it’s rather spectacular out at the moment, and I want to make the most of the sun. so…..

Janvier

Sagara — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 20:10:39 +0000

I have to admit, I’ve come to write a post a few times since the last one, and decided not to last minute. Nevermind.

I am ecstatic about this year. I am going to throw my all into cycling, and have even checked out the distance between my house and my college with the full intention of finding out whether its cyclable. I am pretty determined to get myself in shape. In fact, I am itching like a dog with fleas to get out there and put some distance under my slicks.

I’m jobhunting too. I have a casual one, but I want a more substantial income, so I can have the luxury of a bit of spending money and enough to save some too. I have a few bits and pieces I want to buy for my endeavour – such as gloves, some proper cycling clothes, and shoes, and some clear cycle glasses so i dont get blinded every time it rains! Anyhow, I’m on limited time tonight as I have a lot to do and not much time to do it!

Farewell 2010, Hello 2011.

Sagara — Sat, 01 Jan 2011 00:00:01 +0000

Tonight I am celebrating the new year from my bed. I am on my laptop, with ClassicFM playing through my headphones, and my darling friend Esther talking to me on an instant messaging program. I have just polished off my midnight munchies, and I have a glass of Rosé wine to wash it all down. I am one hundred percent happy as a pig in the proverbial. There is such a hype about the beginning of a new year, isn’t there. There is such emphasis on making resolutions and turning over new leaves, that eventually are forgotten as they are just mere fads. I no longer ‘do’ fads. I do change. Change is fun, exciting, and it is as far from boring as it gets which is brilliant for me, as I am someone who gets bored quite quickly. I have been toying with the idea of doing some travelling once I come out of college. I really want to visit New Zealand and Australia. For the penguins obviously, although I also really want to travel to Bali and to Italy, and Norway or Finland. I want to see nature’s beauty in all its glory. So I will plan my journey in 2011 and decide whether and where and when to go.

So, I end 2010 on the highest note humanly possible, happy and satisfied and totally loving it!

New Year’s Goals.

Sagara — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 21:31:36 +0000

Happy New Year to all, and enjoy 2011.

Here are my goals for 2011:

1. Grow my nails.
2. Exercise at least 3 times a week
3. Stick to the Slimming World’s food plan.
4. Finish all college work a week before the due date.
5. Stay happy.
6. Be calm when faced with stressful situations, and not get angry.
7. Focus on 3 things: College, work and self.
8. Live in the present.
9. Clean out Pig at least twice a week, and give him food daily instead of filling his bowl every few days.
10. Walk Oscar at least 4 times a week.
11. Have a healthy daily routine and stick to it.

This might seem like a lot, but I will achieve each and every task on it, because I can do anything when I put my mind to it. So, right now, I am going to run a small bath, add an 8th of my christmas bath bomb, have a nice long soak, put on my new penguin pyjamas, read for a while, and go to sleep at eleven. I am not staying up for the new year’s celebrations, as I have stayed up many previous years and I want to get up before midday tomorrow so I can make something of the day.